Hold On
by scrapmom
Summary: One shot.  Set after the season 4 finally.  Marshall is trying to convince Mary she has a reason to hold on.


A/N I haven't seen any of season 4, but I cheated, and watched the finally, because I knew she was pregnant and I couldn't wait to see what happened. I normally don't do angst fiction, but this one just would not get out of my head until I wrote it.

**Hold On**

Mary looked down at the ground as gripped Marshall's hand. He held on tight, using his other hand to make he look at him. "Breathe Mare." He said, holding her gaze. He could see the pain etched on her face and felt her pain deep in his soul.

"It's too early, Marshall. Something's wrong." The fear in her voice was almost Marshall's undoing. He had to be the strong one, so he pushed his fear down and continued to hold her gaze.

"It's going to be ok, Mare, I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere." he promised.

The ambulance arrived and the paramedics moved around her, checking her vitals while taking a quick history. They loaded her into the ambulance, trying to work around Marshall, who had yet to let go of her hand. One of the paramedics tried to get him to move away, and his glare told them he wasn't budging.

Marshall moved into the back of the ambulance with her, sitting up by her head, so the paramedics could work on her. With his free hand, he pushed her hair back away from her face and whispered calming words in her ear.

She turned to him, her face pale and still wrenched in pain. He saw the fear in her eyes, and felt his stomach knot up. Mary didn't get scared. "Hold on, Mare." he murmured.

"Marshall," she looked at him with a serious expression. "If something happens..."

He didn't let her finish. "You and the baby will be fine, ok? Have I ever lied to you?" he tried to smirk, but failed.

"No, Marshall, I need you to listen to me. I feel like something is really wrong, and I need you to hear me out. I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through these last few years." she paused, as another pain gripped her. She closed her eyes momentarily, until the pain lessened.

"You have nothing to apologize for," he started.

"Hey, shut it a minute and let me talk. I'm trying to tell you that I'm sorry I haven't told you before how much you mean to me. I love you, Marshall. You are my best friend, my partner, and I am totally in love with you. I was so scared, that every time you got close to telling me or showing me how you felt, I did something to screw it up." the last word was a growl as the pain hit again. He eyes rolled back in her head and she lost consciousness for a moment.

Marshall sat stunned and scared out of his mind. His Mary, who he had loved for years, just told him she loved him. He wanted to be happy about hearing her say it, but she was in so much pain and he had an idea of what was happening. He believed she had a placental rupture, and due to his vast knowledge of all things, he also knew how bad things could get.

He tried to ignore his negative thoughts and focus on Mary. She opened her eyes again, and he saw the tears spilling out of the corners. He leaned down and brushed them away with his thumb, then kissed the trail they had followed. "Mare, I love you so much. I will never leave you, I promise." He leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips, as tears ran down his own face. "Be strong, ok? I need you. Our baby needs you." Ever since he realized she was pregnant, he considered this baby his. He loved the baby almost as much as he loved her.

They stayed that way until they arrived at the hospital, and Marshall had to let go of her hand for a moment. Once they were out of the ambulance, he resumed his position at her side, holding her hand. "Sir, you are going to have to wait out here," he heard the nurse say.

"No!" Mary screamed. "He stays with me." She demanded, not letting go of his hand. The nurses reluctantly agreed, tossing Marshall scrubs to put on over his clothes. He never left her side, as he watched the nurses and doctors move effortlessly around the room, readying Mary for an emergency c-section. All seemed to be going smoothly, and Marshall leaned over to tell Mary again that he loved her before the anesthesiologist put her under. He kissed her gently, and she looked up at him with tears in her eyes, as she whispered "I really do love you," she paused. "Take care of our baby."

Suddenly, everything became hectic, as he heard the doctor yell, "She's bleeding out."

He looked down to see Mary's eyes roll back into her head for the second time that day, and he panicked. "Oh God, Mare, please, wake up, baby. I love you, and I need you. The baby needs you. Please, please, wake up. I can't live without you..." Tears were flowing freely down his face as he sobbed the last words. The nurse pulled him away from her and pushed him out into the hallway.

Marshall leaned against the wall outside the operating room, a sense of déjà-vu washed over him, as they pushed him out of the room. He slid down the wall, tears streaming down his face. He could hear them frantically moving around in the room, catching words and phrases. "We need blood now," "baby's stats are falling," "gotta get this baby out now," "we're losing her."

It was only when he heard the high pitched cry of the baby, their baby, that he allowed himself to breath again. They're both ok, he thought, getting to his feet to wait for them to allow him back in. It was only when he heard the word "clear" that he lost all rational thought. He pushed his way onto the operating room and stopped dead in his tracks. Mary was lying on the table, blood pooling on the floor below her, the doctors frantically trying to stop the bleeding. The nurses were in the corner, working on the baby, whom he could still hear crying, but he only had eyes for Mary.

Then he heard it again…"clear," and saw her body jerk on the table, but didn't hear anything other than the flat sound of the heart monitor.

He stood rooted to the spot, ignoring the nurse that tried to shoo him out of the room again. Suddenly, the room became still, and all talking and moving ceased. Marshall felt like he was outside his body when he heard three words that would change his life forever..."time of death..."

Then everything went black.


End file.
